If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
