I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
