Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
