Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
