Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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