Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
