i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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