You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
