My Higher Power is John Stamos
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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