i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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