3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
