I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
