i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
