Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need to calm my uterus...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
