Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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