dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
