i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The chlamydia really affected his face.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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