U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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