Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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