every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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