Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I checked into jail on foursquare
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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