I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
