Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
