we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
