he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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