Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
