May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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