we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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