you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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