i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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