i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
