She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
