it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
