Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
