Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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