cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
