Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
