Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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