I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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