my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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