maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
