did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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