I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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