chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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