I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
