so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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