I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
