you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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