you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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