Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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