Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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