that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
