yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
