I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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