dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
