He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
