Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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