So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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