Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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