perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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