Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
