I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
