I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
